Peace. Peace is something I was without for a long time. I finally really came to realize it in the last couple of days.I finally understand what peace really is (I think) . Or maybe, what it isn't. It isn't having everything together and enjoying life. It isn't feeling warm and fuzzy, even when everything imaginable is going wrong. It isn't being able to stay calm when you really want (or need) to just scream. Peace is not a gift that is all wrapped up nicely with a pretty little bow for us to unwrap and use whenever we feel stressed, alone, uncertain, or scared and make us feel better. Peace is so much more than that. It's messy. Peace is letting go , which is never neat and tidy. Peace is stripping yourself down, past the pride, past the hopes, past the dreams, past the past, to expose your heart to yourself (because God already knows your heart) and accepting the love that He has for that little imperfect heart. Peace is thanking God even when you're not sure what you're thanking Him for, but trusting that he has something planned far better than anything we can imagine. Peace is a continual presence of God in every moment and recognizing that He is in control of that moment, no matter if it is the happiest moment of your life or the hardest thing you have ever had to face. Peace is knowing that you are never in it alone. Peace is breaking down and letting God fill the empty spaces in your heart that you have been too proud or to scared to relinquish control over.
I got my acceptance letter in the mail today to go to Guatemala this summer! I am BEYOND excited!!! But I honestly thought that if I got chosen I would be soooo scared. Don't get me wrong, there is a little fear inside of me trying to convince me I should stay here and spend my summer at home where it is normal and safe. I honestly think that if God had not started reveal this peace to me, I might have talked myself out of applying and even out of going period. But peace is about being scared. It's about trusting God even in your fear. It's about expressing your concerns with God and knowing that he is taking care of them, even if you can't see it and even if you can't feel it. Peace is trusting God, without an answer from him. We are His. He is sovereign. He's got our mess. This is the peace that I have. Beautiful, messy, imperfect peace.
